Holy Rage and Oceans of Sadness
Dear Friends,
I realize that I wrote last week’s newsletter focused on the wrong Torah portion, skipping Balak and jumping ahead to Pinchas. Perhaps I did this because Pinchas’ story begins at the end of Parshat Balak or maybe because I just needed to address the rage I have been feeling. I am sorry if it caused confusion.
This week, facing Pinchas again, I turn toward the grief and sadness that keeps company with the rage. I feel such deep sorrow as I gaze at our country, the world and the trembling earth. My grief is so huge, I am afraid that if I truly allowed it, I would drown in sorrow. But trying to ignore the sadness doesn’t work either. Stifled, it becomes frustration and impatience I take out on myself and those around me.
These next three weeks (from the 17th of the month of Tammuz to the 9th of Av) call us to explore grief and sorrow and let these emotions be our guide.
When I acknowledge the sadness I feel at all that is being trampled, destroyed and lost, I am overwhelmed. But as I stay with it eventually something inside me shifts.
I have had moments when sorrow has softened my heart. It has eased the constriction formed by rage and hatred, making room for kindness and compassion.
It is helpful when I realize that the sadness I am experiencing arises from all that I love. This awareness doesn’t make the heartache go away but it does bring strength and determination.
Sadness also slows me down, helping me be more present and patient.
Tenderized by sorrow, I often find myself filled with outrageous joy whenever I am the recipient of any act of kindness.
I have found that one of the greatest gifts of allowing sadness is that it is eased by relationship. Comfort comes from connection and opportunities to be of service.
During this season that turns us toward sorrow, it is also important to seek moments of refuge: To engage in what brings joy, to seep ourselves in beauty, to look for and offer comfort.
As we move through this time, may we allow ourselves to be with the grief that arises from all we love. May we share our sadness and offer each other support. And may our experiences of this season help us act for the healing of all life.
Blessings to All
Rabbi Yael